A few nights ago I led our church in communion, where we remember the sacrifice Jesus made for us. I was excited to have an opportunity to focus on the blood of Christ. I walked through the details of Jesus' suffering. His tormentors placed on his head a crown of thorns that sent blood down his face. They lashed him over and over with a lead-tipped whip, ripping the flesh from his back -- a punishment that often killed. But he survived only to carry a heavy cross out of the city to a hillside, with the rough wood scraping against his raw, bloody back. When he arrived, they drove nails into his hands and feet to hold him onto that cross.
But I made some silly mistakes in my talk. I'm easily frustrated in "public speaking" situations, because I can get a script down perfectly, but then make some sort of silly mistake that I had never anticipated, drawing the attention away from what I came to say (or at least, it feels like it). In this particular instance, I simply forgot to tell the group to sit down. They stood for probably 4 minutes of my communion talk before I saw the cues to give the room permission to sit. Maybe I could rationalize that I was giving them a small taste of suffering, so they could relate to what Jesus went through?
Regardless, I walked away flustered. I had a bunch of other administrative tasks on my mind, as well as a leader-training event directly after the service. It's hard to focus when your pride is hurt. I like to joke that I won't ever have to write an autobiography because wikipedia's page on the seven deadly sins is already pretty thorough, but the reality is that pride is the big one for me. And my pride was pretty wounded.
But sometimes we need to hear it from the right person to remember what matters most.
At bedtime that evening, as I do almost every evening, I read to my son from the Bible as we snuggled together. We wrapped up our Bible time and then prayed together as a family. Then he said something that totally amazed my wife and me.
"The mean people hurt Jesus. They put the points on his head that hurt him. And they put him on the tree, on a cross. Jesus died. But God's not dead he's surely alive. And we go to heaven if Jesus is in our hearts."
Yes. My son is two and a half years old. And he said all of that. The "God's not dead" line is from a song and we've talked many times about how Jesus died and didn't stay dead (more so lately as we are approaching Easter). And we've talked at length before about believing in Jesus or having "Jesus in our hearts" in order to be with God forever.
But that evening, when I was talking about Jesus on stage making blunders that would leave me nursing my pride, my son heard me talking about Jesus and the crown they place on his head. Then he connected all of these scattered teachings that we've shared with him over his life and fit them into a narrative that brought tears to our eyes.
My son didn't see me "mess up" as I stood up there. He heard what I was passionate about. When people say that toddlers will hear and repeat everything, they are telling the truth. The words we speak and the things we do are a reflection of what is in our hearts -- and if we speak hurtful things or respond without love, our children see it and act in kind. And while I was stuck on minor details, my son was picking up on the story of our Savior. This is the same story that rocked me to the core nearly 10 years ago and changed the course of my life for eternity.
I know he doesn't grasp it yet. But he heard it. And we will talk about it. My whole life I've been a doubter and a skeptic, and I bet that won't change any time soon (see, there's more doubt). So we'll wrestle with this "God thing" together and we'll chat about who Jesus was, what he said, and why it is worth considering.
Our children don't hear all the little mistakes that we beat ourselves up over. But they do pick up on what matters most to us. And I'm so glad that in all of that, my son heard about Jesus.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Our First Foster Baby
We finally got our first call for a foster care placement last week. We were able to go together as a family to pick up little Baby M. He was 1 1/2 weeks old and so tiny! We just loved him right away. He was so sweet and easy-going, and it was such a joy having him in our home.
Nothing is ever certain with foster care, but we were told that this should be more likely than a normal case to be permanent (and I mean, adoption permanent). On top of that, we were his third home in ten days (and that's not counting the hospital), so regardless of length of stay, we knew he needed someone to invest in him and attach. Can you imagine a little baby who hasn't had any chance to start the attachment process by two weeks old? Young as he may be, that has to be damaging.
So, anyway, we loved on him, fed him through the night, and enjoyed his sweet smiles and little baby sounds. Our first full day with him landed on Josh's day off, so we got to be together as a family of four for the day. Big Brother A did well with Baby M, although he probably wasn't super thrilled to be sharing the attention! Some favorite moments were our walk with the double stroller and family story time on the couch.
Just look at those sweet little hands:
24 hours after picking up Baby M, we got a call from the case worker asking us to please bring Baby M for pickup by his bio family immediately. We'd heard of quick turnarounds before, but this was pretty unexpected. Again, we'd been told he would probably be with us for a while. They don't generally move a child from emergency care to a permanent home for a one-night stay, as every move is a disruption to the child's life. If there had been any indication that Baby would leave so soon, he just wouldn't have been placed with us, for his own sake.
Baby's clothes and belongings were hanging up to dry on the clothes bars, including the new things we'd bought just for him and the very few items he had come with. We got a second call to please wait about 15 minutes to leave, so we tried our best to collect ourselves, throw everything in the pay dryer in the basement for as long as possible, and pack both boys into the car. We even tried to squeeze in a quick moment of goodbye. We've never done this before, and we didn't know what to expect or what the bio parent needed from us. We didn't have time to ask.
We got to the right area on time, but we had the wrong address and couldn't find the right building despite multiple phone calls, so we showed up 15 minutes late and totally frazzled. Add to this our emotional state and frustration at the situation, and I was left unable to even tell them what time he'd last eaten (what time was it now, anyway?). Little Baby M was carried straight over to Dad's car, and that was that.
We were left to figure out how to cope. We'd just finished moving up the newborn things from the basement. There was the new little pack of tiny diapers and the pacis that Baby M had used. Bottles, clean and dirty, were still at the sink. Baby's swing and pack n play were set up for naps. Burp clothes were scattered in convenient places for fast clean-up during feedings. And those sweet little newborn clothes that we had picked out just for him - those were still drying on the clothesbars - too damp to send with him, and too late to return to the store.
We're hoping we can still use those little baby things. We're hoping it will be soon. It's hard to wait so long, finally get a placement, and be without a foster child again so soon. It's hard to know how much you're allowed to miss someone when you always knew they might leave soon - but you also knew they might stay forever. It's hard to feel justified in mourning someone that most of our friends didn't even get to meet. It's hard not knowing if Baby M is getting good care now. It's all just hard.
We're so glad to be doing what we're doing. We're so thankful for the support we've gotten from friends and family. We're grateful that Big Brother A is still small enough that this is only confusing, and not heartbreaking, for him. By the time he's old enough to feel more of the impact, we hope to have a better idea of how to cope and how to mourn in a way that will best support him. We're glad that we have a big God, whose plans are always best, and we will continue to lean heavily on Him.
I'm reminded of 1 Peter 1:22, which says, "Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart." There's no room for cautious love here. We're hoping to work with babies, children and families who are in difficult situations and desperately need love, stability, and unafraid attachment. Whether these kids are in our home for one day or hundreds before saying goodbye, I hope that we will always be heartbroken when they leave. I want to love them deeply - from the heart - just as Jesus loves me.
Nothing is ever certain with foster care, but we were told that this should be more likely than a normal case to be permanent (and I mean, adoption permanent). On top of that, we were his third home in ten days (and that's not counting the hospital), so regardless of length of stay, we knew he needed someone to invest in him and attach. Can you imagine a little baby who hasn't had any chance to start the attachment process by two weeks old? Young as he may be, that has to be damaging.
So, anyway, we loved on him, fed him through the night, and enjoyed his sweet smiles and little baby sounds. Our first full day with him landed on Josh's day off, so we got to be together as a family of four for the day. Big Brother A did well with Baby M, although he probably wasn't super thrilled to be sharing the attention! Some favorite moments were our walk with the double stroller and family story time on the couch.
Just look at those sweet little hands:
24 hours after picking up Baby M, we got a call from the case worker asking us to please bring Baby M for pickup by his bio family immediately. We'd heard of quick turnarounds before, but this was pretty unexpected. Again, we'd been told he would probably be with us for a while. They don't generally move a child from emergency care to a permanent home for a one-night stay, as every move is a disruption to the child's life. If there had been any indication that Baby would leave so soon, he just wouldn't have been placed with us, for his own sake.
Baby's clothes and belongings were hanging up to dry on the clothes bars, including the new things we'd bought just for him and the very few items he had come with. We got a second call to please wait about 15 minutes to leave, so we tried our best to collect ourselves, throw everything in the pay dryer in the basement for as long as possible, and pack both boys into the car. We even tried to squeeze in a quick moment of goodbye. We've never done this before, and we didn't know what to expect or what the bio parent needed from us. We didn't have time to ask.
We got to the right area on time, but we had the wrong address and couldn't find the right building despite multiple phone calls, so we showed up 15 minutes late and totally frazzled. Add to this our emotional state and frustration at the situation, and I was left unable to even tell them what time he'd last eaten (what time was it now, anyway?). Little Baby M was carried straight over to Dad's car, and that was that.
We were left to figure out how to cope. We'd just finished moving up the newborn things from the basement. There was the new little pack of tiny diapers and the pacis that Baby M had used. Bottles, clean and dirty, were still at the sink. Baby's swing and pack n play were set up for naps. Burp clothes were scattered in convenient places for fast clean-up during feedings. And those sweet little newborn clothes that we had picked out just for him - those were still drying on the clothesbars - too damp to send with him, and too late to return to the store.
We're hoping we can still use those little baby things. We're hoping it will be soon. It's hard to wait so long, finally get a placement, and be without a foster child again so soon. It's hard to know how much you're allowed to miss someone when you always knew they might leave soon - but you also knew they might stay forever. It's hard to feel justified in mourning someone that most of our friends didn't even get to meet. It's hard not knowing if Baby M is getting good care now. It's all just hard.
We're so glad to be doing what we're doing. We're so thankful for the support we've gotten from friends and family. We're grateful that Big Brother A is still small enough that this is only confusing, and not heartbreaking, for him. By the time he's old enough to feel more of the impact, we hope to have a better idea of how to cope and how to mourn in a way that will best support him. We're glad that we have a big God, whose plans are always best, and we will continue to lean heavily on Him.
I'm reminded of 1 Peter 1:22, which says, "Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart." There's no room for cautious love here. We're hoping to work with babies, children and families who are in difficult situations and desperately need love, stability, and unafraid attachment. Whether these kids are in our home for one day or hundreds before saying goodbye, I hope that we will always be heartbroken when they leave. I want to love them deeply - from the heart - just as Jesus loves me.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Waiting
We're all ready for our foster baby. The nursery is set up for two. Our toddler has library books about being a big brother, and he prays for baby brother at night. Classes are done, paperwork is all turned in, and we're officially certified. Since before Christmas.
Now we wait.
It's a strange thing sometimes to weigh our feelings as we wait. We're excited, and we hope to grow our family via foster care soon. But at the same time, I can't help but feeling that what I should really hope for - and pray for - is that we are never needed.
I know that we have the foster care program because there is a need. We are so excited to be part of filling that need, and we certainly do hope to be able to welcome a child into our home while their bio family tries to sort things out. If the child needs a forever home, we'd love to give them that.
But best case scenario? We would never get a call to be foster parents, because there would never be a need.
As we wait, I try to keep a tight hold on my perspective. We didn't step into this to get the perfect newborn baby, immediately freed for adoption, with no hassle and no baggage. Of course, that would be a wonderful blessing, and we certainly wouldn't turn that down. But we signed up for a baby with a birth family which is most likely fighting hard to keep - and quickly get home - their little one. I don't wish foster care on that baby, and I don't wish that kind of a loss on the birth parents.
We're still waiting. We're still excited. We're still hoping. And, at the same time, wishing that we weren't needed - that each baby could be in a healed home and learning Jesus's love from their birth family. So I pray for our future baby boy, for his family, and for us - that we would remember that we're in this not for us, but for him. And each day that we wait is a blessing, because it says that today, there was not a need for us, and maybe a child's family was provided a way to grow and heal today without having to separate.
Now we wait.
It's a strange thing sometimes to weigh our feelings as we wait. We're excited, and we hope to grow our family via foster care soon. But at the same time, I can't help but feeling that what I should really hope for - and pray for - is that we are never needed.
I know that we have the foster care program because there is a need. We are so excited to be part of filling that need, and we certainly do hope to be able to welcome a child into our home while their bio family tries to sort things out. If the child needs a forever home, we'd love to give them that.
But best case scenario? We would never get a call to be foster parents, because there would never be a need.
As we wait, I try to keep a tight hold on my perspective. We didn't step into this to get the perfect newborn baby, immediately freed for adoption, with no hassle and no baggage. Of course, that would be a wonderful blessing, and we certainly wouldn't turn that down. But we signed up for a baby with a birth family which is most likely fighting hard to keep - and quickly get home - their little one. I don't wish foster care on that baby, and I don't wish that kind of a loss on the birth parents.
We're still waiting. We're still excited. We're still hoping. And, at the same time, wishing that we weren't needed - that each baby could be in a healed home and learning Jesus's love from their birth family. So I pray for our future baby boy, for his family, and for us - that we would remember that we're in this not for us, but for him. And each day that we wait is a blessing, because it says that today, there was not a need for us, and maybe a child's family was provided a way to grow and heal today without having to separate.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2013: Year in Review
I'm taking a few minutes to reflect on 2013. I'm sure 2014 will be even more epic, but 2013 was definitely a huge year for our family. Here are the highlights:
February and March - Family Travel
In February I attended the Biophysical Society's annual meeting in Philadelphia. It was a great conference and I enjoyed my research being featured at one of the early sessions. In March I attended the Drive Conference hosted by North Point Community Church near Atlanta. It was a great chance to connect more with the staff at Northridge and to meet Andy Stanley!
Heather and A enjoyed a few weeks in Kentucky visiting her parents at their new home. I joined them for a few days at the end of their trip. We visited some beautiful landmarks nearby and got a chance to eat some real fried chicken and fried pickles!
May 31 - 5-year Anniversary
When is it no longer the "honeymoon" period?
Every time Heather and I have expressed joy and happiness with our marital relationship, the most common response has been "Well, you guys are still newlyweds. It will get harder." We've been hearing this rationale for the last 5 years. We're not newlyweds anymore.
Conflict is a natural part of every relationship and marriage is the rule, not the exception. When you spend this much time with one person, you are bound to come into conflict. However, marriage does not need to be defined mostly by difficulty and conflict. We have enjoyed our first five years so much and look forward to many more!
We celebrated our 5-year mark with a trip to Washington, D.C., while A stayed with grandparents. We had a great trip and a chance to make some new memories.
August 14 - Ph.D.
I defended my dissertation and earned my Ph.D. in Biophysics. It was a long and difficult 5 years, but I thoroughly enjoyed the ride and the training that I received. It has given me a unique background in chemistry, physics, biology and computer science as well as fundamental skills in logic, discussion, and intellectual critique.
September 1 - Joined Northridge Church staff
I joined the staff at Northridge Church as the Director of Connections. I've loved the role, as I get to regularly see the impact of Northridge on those who are new to faith and I've had a front-row seat to the power of vision-carrying volunteers in the life of a church. I'm looking forward to my evolving role in the future and how God has equipped and is equipping me for some fun and exciting things in the future!
September 25 - A turned 2
Our little boy turned two this fall and every moment of his life has been an incredible joy for us. He is incredibly talkative and his personality is wonderful. With his toddler years comes some more difficult moments as he strives for independence in daily activities, but seeing this development is so rewarding!
December 17 - Foster Care Certification
For October, November and December, Heather and I went through training and home studies to become foster parents. I've written plenty on this recently, so I won't belabor it. In December we completed the training, had our final home study, and were certified for foster care! Now we are waiting for our first foster child!
February and March - Family Travel
In February I attended the Biophysical Society's annual meeting in Philadelphia. It was a great conference and I enjoyed my research being featured at one of the early sessions. In March I attended the Drive Conference hosted by North Point Community Church near Atlanta. It was a great chance to connect more with the staff at Northridge and to meet Andy Stanley!
Heather and A enjoyed a few weeks in Kentucky visiting her parents at their new home. I joined them for a few days at the end of their trip. We visited some beautiful landmarks nearby and got a chance to eat some real fried chicken and fried pickles!
May 31 - 5-year Anniversary
When is it no longer the "honeymoon" period?
Every time Heather and I have expressed joy and happiness with our marital relationship, the most common response has been "Well, you guys are still newlyweds. It will get harder." We've been hearing this rationale for the last 5 years. We're not newlyweds anymore.
Conflict is a natural part of every relationship and marriage is the rule, not the exception. When you spend this much time with one person, you are bound to come into conflict. However, marriage does not need to be defined mostly by difficulty and conflict. We have enjoyed our first five years so much and look forward to many more!
We celebrated our 5-year mark with a trip to Washington, D.C., while A stayed with grandparents. We had a great trip and a chance to make some new memories.
August 14 - Ph.D.
I defended my dissertation and earned my Ph.D. in Biophysics. It was a long and difficult 5 years, but I thoroughly enjoyed the ride and the training that I received. It has given me a unique background in chemistry, physics, biology and computer science as well as fundamental skills in logic, discussion, and intellectual critique.
September 1 - Joined Northridge Church staff
I joined the staff at Northridge Church as the Director of Connections. I've loved the role, as I get to regularly see the impact of Northridge on those who are new to faith and I've had a front-row seat to the power of vision-carrying volunteers in the life of a church. I'm looking forward to my evolving role in the future and how God has equipped and is equipping me for some fun and exciting things in the future!
September 25 - A turned 2
Our little boy turned two this fall and every moment of his life has been an incredible joy for us. He is incredibly talkative and his personality is wonderful. With his toddler years comes some more difficult moments as he strives for independence in daily activities, but seeing this development is so rewarding!
December 17 - Foster Care Certification
For October, November and December, Heather and I went through training and home studies to become foster parents. I've written plenty on this recently, so I won't belabor it. In December we completed the training, had our final home study, and were certified for foster care! Now we are waiting for our first foster child!
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Christmas Hope in 2013
This Christmas may very well be our last one as a family of three. By next Christmas, we will likely either have another child in our home or have had a child over the course of the year. The goal of foster care is to provide a loving, nurturing home for a child in a circumstance where their biological parent(s)/family are unable to do the same. And through this the ultimate goal is to reunify the family. But even with these children coming and then going, I don't anticipate ever seeing a child in our home as anything but family, no matter how short the stay. So even if/when they return to their biological family, they will be forever etched in our collective memory of our little household, increasing the count by one.
I say all of this because Christmas has me thinking heavily about "hope" and the anticipation that comes with the season -- And I can hardly get through any retrospective or introspective moments without bringing it all back to foster care.
The Christmas season is a long one. Even in families that draw a hard line at Thanksgiving for the start of the season, that still accounts for nearly an entire month of the calendar! And for others, the season begins weeks before that as they anticipate the approach of Black Friday and preparations for the biggest shopping deals. Because to go blindly and unprepared into the most hallowed of American holiday traditions is imprudent and illogical! For me personally, we can't begin talk of Christmas until Santa has personally traveled the critical portion of 34th street before the eyes of millions.
And while I make light of the timing and reasons for which we anticipate Christmas, there is no doubt that there was a sense of anticipation that accompanied the first Christmas as well. When talking about it with our son, who is two years old, we often talked about God bringing light into a dark world. We use candles through the advent season to mark our family devotion times and to remind us of this light. In the creation account, in the midst of darkness, God spoke and light came into existence. After humanity sinned and was separated from the Maker, we have been in a desperate quest to find that metaphorical light that might shine into our desperate darkness. Lots of hints of a future filled with light were dropped, but God's chosen people lived in a deep darkness because their best efforts to shine that light fell short of what was needed to create a permanent glow.
Enter Christ.
God, the only one capable of creating a permanent light to shine on the shadows, entered into human history. The anticipation for the coming Messiah was high, but I imagine that the anticipation was not abated by his arrival and I know that hope was not fulfilled the first time Jesus' tiny fingers wrapped around his mother's own fingers. The Savior had come, but salvation was not yet achieved. Hope and anticipation became a palpable reality, but it wasn't until those same hands matured and were pierced by nails that all of this hope could be fully understood (and not cohesively explained or properly defined until hundreds of years after John had written his last letter).
The final result was an opportunity to be called God's children. He came to eliminate the space between the Creator and His creation.
This Christmas, we were in a state of heavy anticipation. We had pushed our paperwork through quickly to make sure we were certified as foster parents so our home would be "open" for children before the holiday. We were constantly watching our phones while we waited for the call finalizing our certification. Since then, we have continued to hawkishly watch our phones for the news that a child needs a home. So coupled with the anticipation of Christ's coming we have been watching and waiting for a new child to join us. While we don't have a foster child for Christmas this year, by this time next year our family will likely have been turned upside down by foster care.
God made it possible to call Him "father" and to know that we have a new home. Likewise, we want to provide a home to children who need it, hopefully alleviating hurt and pain and possibly leading to the eventual adoption of some of these children. But regardless of the end result, every child that comes through our home will be a part of our family.
This Christmas, we anticipate our forever home because of Christ. We can be a part of his forever family because of his love and sacrifice for us. And we cannot wait to show that love to children and provide forever homes to some of them.
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